This is the fourth and last in a series of blog posts on the beauty, goodness, and glory of the unity of the church. This comes from our message on Psalm 133, from our series on the Psalms. You can find this on our sermons page.
“How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
It is like precious oil poured on the head, running down on the beard, running down on Aaron’s beard, down on the collar of his robe.
It is as if the dew of Hermon were falling on Mount Zion. For there the LORD bestows his blessing, even life forevermore.”
Psalm 133 gives us a vision for the good life together. How exactly do we live in order to embrace and experience more of this in our daily lives?
The New Testament is full of commands to the church to live out the unity we have with each other. “Make every effort” “Strive” “As much as it depends on you”. These are much easier to read and teach than to live out. How can we do that?
First, we must recognise our need for the Holy Spirit. If this is a supernatural unity, how can we even think to base it on natural effort? Thankfully, being connected to Jesus means we have the Holy Spirit: "But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit” (1 Corinthians 6:17).
So, with the Spirit leading us, how we do we go about this unity, especially when there are conflicts?
Jesus tells us in Matthew 5:23–24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift”.
This shows just how much Jesus cares about our relationships. If we know there is an issue, don’t pretend. God doesn’t like it when we fake it, it’s not what’s best for us or others. So go to them, ask for forgiveness, do what you need to do, then, and only then, come back to worship. Some people limit this to taking communion, and though that’s a good start, it seems like this is much more broad than communion itself.
Jesus also instructs us in Matthew 18.15-17: “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”
A simple process, though not often simply applied, but clear nonetheless: go the person in sin yourself, if they won’t listen, take one or two with you. If they still won’t listen, take it to the church. And if they still are refusing to listen, assume they aren’t Christians and treat them as such. That doesn’t mean we get to be mean or shun or blank anyone, it means how we pray for them changes, possibly their membership in the church changes, how we reach out and love them changes, all in order for them to come back to the Lord.
Notice: telling everyone else and gossiping is not part of Jesus’ plan, even if it is veiled as a “prayer request”.
Sometimes people will not respond in the most loving of ways. Though that is sad and difficult, it doesn’t undo our responsibility to love them the way Jesus has loved us. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3.12-13). That’s not easy, but thankfully we have the Holy Spirit that allows us to do just that.
In all of this, we aren’t called to be responsible for others to change. Romans 12.18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” If it’s possible…as far as it depends on you. To be responsible over our own words and actions, over our own hearts, that’s more than enough responsibility.
In conversations relating to conflict, I always find Ken Sande’s 4 Gs so very helpful:
Glorify God: 1 Corinthians 10.31 tells us to glorify God above all things in our everyday life, including our relationships.
Get the log out: Before we call someone else out on something, we myst search ourselves first. search yourself. "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye" (Matthew 7:5).
Gently restore: After Jesus tells the story of a shepherd leaving his flock to find the one sheep that has wandered off on its own, He then tells us "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over" (Matthew 18:15). The goal is restoration, not getting back at someone.
Go and be reconciled: After someone responds and the conversations are had, continue to live in genuine forgiveness and reconciliation. For some situations forgiveness is an ongoing process. We don’t think poorly of someone else, we don’t gossip, we don’t play favourites, we don’t garner a group to be “on our side”, we seek the unity of the church, not just a portion of the church.
Again, those Colossians 3 verses: “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”. In the same way we’ve been forgiven, we are to go and do likewise. Our Father forgives us and continues to love us. He doesn’t remove Himself from us or go elsewhere, He’s with us, as He forgives us.
This can sound impossible, and of course it is. By ourselves, we will never experience a radical and beautiful unity, the best we can hope for is to keep up the status quo. We were made for more than the status quo. As Christians we have the power from the resurrected Jesus in us, through the Holy Spirit, and this allows us to follow the radical and beautiful plan of the Father.